In the American "classic," The Spy Next Door, the Jackie Chan character said this about what defines family: "Family isn't whose blood you carry, it's who you love and who loves you."
Desmond Tutu, on the other hand, said this about family: "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
The television show, Modern Family, provides a very interesting commentary on the evolving definition of "family" in our society.
And Merriam-Webster defines "family" seven different ways, including, "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head," "a group of persons of common ancestry," "a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation," "the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children," "any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family," and "a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area."
So which is it? Or is it a mix of these "definitions?" Or is it something altogether different? What makes a group of people a family?
In my research of orphan care over the past few years, I've seen "family model" orphanages all over the world that vary greatly in their definitions of "family." For example, some "families" have a hut with one woman from the community caring for 15 children; some "families" have a married couple living in an apartment attached to a living area where 8 same-gender children live together in one room; some "families" have American missionaries commit to care for 8-10 children in a home for an indefinite period of time; and some "families" have national married couples loving the children as their own from an early age through their educational lives. While these examples are not exhaustive, they give you an idea of how "family" is defined differently throughout the world of orphan care.
As we seek to create a best practice model framework for orphanages with family as a critical and essential component, we need to reconcile these differences in our definitions of "family." We need to make sure that we're on the same page with regard to a clear and comprehensive definition of what "family" actually is so that we can ensure that we're not talking past each other while collaborating to develop the best practice framework. That is why we're asking you to weigh in on this all-important question that lies at the heart of the family-based orphan care model.
As we seek to create a best practice model framework for orphanages with family as a critical and essential component, we need to reconcile these differences in our definitions of "family." We need to make sure that we're on the same page with regard to a clear and comprehensive definition of what "family" actually is so that we can ensure that we're not talking past each other while collaborating to develop the best practice framework. That is why we're asking you to weigh in on this all-important question that lies at the heart of the family-based orphan care model.
Although I understand your desire to define 'family' because the Bible rightfully uses and defines the term, I find that it's much easier to define 'community,' which is what family provides most powerfully. To discuss 'family' in terms of the Biblical model is difficult due to changes in culture and changes throughout history (nevertheless, I'll try).
ReplyDeleteIn the same way I feel that any discussion of this subject has to point out that there is a BIG difference between what is 'family' and what is 'healthy family.' I believe that what constitutes a family is dramatically broad, and although the definition of 'healthy family' is very broad as well, it helps us narrow down what I think we are trying to get at.
Looking into the Bible, briefly, (which has 58 references to 'family' in the ESV), I noticed the following:
* the first 'family' mentioned was the animals going two-by-two (and perhaps babies) out from Noah's ark. So clearly family can even be limited to a marriage or close friendship between two individuals.
* Exodus 1:21 gave the midwives 'families' by giving them children. So families can be defined by offspring.
* Much of the Old Testament law was about parameters (what you should do and should not do) about activity within the family, as if it was a special grouping with special expectations.
* some references to family are merely people that are blood related to you.
* the OT also mentions whole nations as families.
So, as you can see, the bible is so broad in terms of defining 'family' by name, that it's not very useful.
Perhaps the most powerful verse about 'families' in Scripture is Ephesians 3:14-15 which says, "For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,..."
That one verse seems to indicate that whatever families should be, they should reflect the nature of God.
So, I'm left pondering my original question: 'when we discuss family, do we really mean 'community?'
The need for community seems to be deeply ingrained in our DNA. It seems that from the earliest days on earth, it was 'not good' for Adam to be alone. I do not believe, due to Paul the Apostle's message that marriage and children are the only way to fulfill this, but I'm quite certain that we cannot do without community.
It is my definition, that family is any individuals that unite for the purpose of sharing life.
This begs my last point: 'there's a huge difference between 'family' and 'healthy family'. Gangs are talked about as being family. Dysfunctional relatives are considered 'family.' Abusive spouses are called family by the government, but we fully know that's not what God had in mind, nor does it reflect His nature.
Therefore I close with my partial definition of 'healthy family', from a Biblical perspective:
Healthy family is a place where people come together to be the healing presence of God in the lives of one another. It's to be a place of safety, encouragement, accountability and an outpouring of all the additional fruit of the Holy Spirit to one another. It should be a place where each heart is held sacred.
That's my two-pastoral-cents worth.
Lance Hahn - Senior Pastor Bridgeway Christian Church