Sometimes "Why?" is Not the Right Question

Often people ask "Why?" when bad things happen in life, to them or to others.  And that questions certainly permeates conversations when a family member or friend commits suicide.  Suicide is something that I never experienced "close-up" until last year, when my extremely talented and beautiful sister-in-law took her own life in her home while her husband and children were sleeping.  I'll never forget the moment I heard the news or the weeks following her death when our family was searching to figure out why. Why would she have killed herself?  Why she couldn't recognize her incredible God-given talents? Why she just couldn't receive and believe compliments when others praised her work?  Why did God let this happen?  Why?  Why?  Why?

While asking "Why?" is a very common response to tragedy, and is a very natural part of the grieving process to help us try to understand and bring emotional closure, I have come to see over the past 13 months or so that it just might be the wrong question to ask.  Especially in relation to why a particular person committed suicide.  Not only because we likely will never know just why our loved one chose to take his or her own life, but because it often causes bitterness and anger, and, consequently, keeps us from asking the more important question: "To what end?" 

In Tony Dungy's (former coach of the Indianapolis Colts) book, Quiet Strength, Dungy recounts the most difficult experience he ever had in his life when his son took his own life at the age of 18.  In so doing, Dungy discusses the need to ask "What?," not "Why?": "Why do bad things happen?  I don't know.  Why did Jamie die?  I don't know. But I do know that God has the answers, I know He loves me, and I know He has a plan - whether it makes sense to me or not.  Rather than asking why, I'm askingwhat.  What can I learn from this?  What can I do for God's glory and to help others?"  The book goes on to chronicle how Dungy's life answered those questions with some very life-giving stories and conversations.  Here is but one such story that Dungy shares in his book: "One worried father asked me to call his son, who he thought might be contemplating taking his life.  We spoke several times over the next few weeks.  'Why are you taking the time to call me?'  the son finally asked.  'Because if someone had been able to help my son with a phone call, I hope they would have taken the time,' [Dungy responded.] His dad called me later to thank me for helping his son get through that time.  I was happy to know that our experience, as unbearable as it was, had actually helped another family."

God's plan in all of this may never make sense to us and we may never know why my sister-in-law committed suicide.  And there still is a whole lot of mourning and healing going on, and likely will continue in some ways for the rest of our lives.   But, fortunately, as part of the healing process, I have seen first-hand over the past 13 months how asking the question, "To what end?," has resulted in some pretty awesome things.  For example, though we've always been pretty close, our family has bonded and supported each other in ways that I have not seen before.  And one of my sister-in-laws, Brea, has championed the cause of American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org), which fights against these tragedies through research, training, education, and legislative reform on issues surrounding mood disorders, depression, and suicide.  And my mother-in-law has also taken up the cause by starting her own grass roots campaign, "Survivors of Suicidors - it's OK to talk."  Through the campaign, she is encouraging survivors to talk through their pain and loss, and to start asking the "What?" questions.

So, while we will all miss Susanne dearly for the rest of our lives, we can rest in the fact that God is using her tragic death to bring glory to Him and to help others in amazing ways, seen and unseen.  We just need to keep asking the two questions that guided Dungy through the valley he found himself in after his son's death.

Can We Really Love Our Enemies?

In Matthew 5 and Romans 12, Jesus and Paul implore us to love, bless, and pray for our enemies.  Is this really possible for us to accomplish?  Well, in this follow-up to the most recent discussion in the "Tough Questions in a Culture of Relativism" series, you can listen to the sermon I delivered on 9/11 about how we can love our enemies on global and local levels.  Just click here (http://bit.ly/rpM0yo) to download the sermon.  I'm sure that it won't come as a shock to anyone that the answer to the question involves looking in the mirror and at Jesus.

Sweet Words to Our Souls

I encourage you to meditate on these words  from Psalm 19 today:

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul;

the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;

the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;

the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;

the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.

More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;

sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb."

Mondays with Mizael

It always interests me to see how different people see the world.  Yesterday, in between meetings in Los Gatos, San Jose, San Francisco, and San Mateo, I had the pleasure of taking Mizael on a "Phil Darke Tour" of San Francisco, where he took it all in for the first time. As you might imagine, I drove him through the city and showed him Pier 39, Fisherman's Wharf, Ghiradelli Square, Lombard Street, the Mission District, Coit Tower, and a few other tourist hotspots.  But the things that always caught his eye (and filled his camera) were the bridges and the Transamerica Building. Essentially, the architectural wonders grabbed him more than anything. In fact, the only thing that was on his "must-see" list was the Golden Gate Bridge, so I made a point to drive over it (NB, of course, to avoid the toll : )) and take pictures from both sides.  Why the fascination with the bridges and buildings?  Because he is an architect, and his mind is captured by great structures in the world in a way that mine is not.  I imagine that when he looked at the amazing structures in San Francisco, he could see the design and blueprints, and imagine with painstaking detail the tremendous amount of work that went into erecting the structures.  Yes, I can take in the beauty of the buildings and bridges, but I see and appreciate them in a completely different way than Mizael does.  And thank the Lord for that fact.  Otherwise, we would have a very boring and monotonous world.

Mizael is Coming to Town

Well, at least he is coming to Northern California.  Mizael Flores, our beloved Honduras National Director, is making a visit to The Golden State over the next couple weeks for a preaching conference and to further relationships with PWM's partner churches and families in the area.  He is very excited to see familiar and new faces, practice his English, and share about what God is doing at La Providencia with us in our homes.  Please be praying for safety and productivity during his trip, and for his beautiful family in Honduras while he is away from them.

A Stronghold for the Oppressed

I love Psalms 9 and 10! And here is why:

-For their exposition into God's provision for and protection of the oppressed and the fatherless - for those who have no human advocate or status in this world and thus can't protect themselves from the hands of evil.  This provides us with assurance that God not only hears the cries of the afflicted, but he "does justice" to and for them.  While admittedly the justice often does not comport with our sense of "proper" timing, we are assured here and throughout the Bible that God brings justice on the evildoer. 

"But the Lord sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice, and he judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with uprightness.  The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." (Psalms 9:7-9)

"The Lord is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land.  O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more." (Psalms 10:17-18)

-For David's honesty in recognizing that the evildoers seemingly not only get away with their evil but prosper from it in this world.  This is where many people argue that God doesn't care or God is not active in their lives because bad things happen to "good people" and good things happen to "bad people."  But what these Psalms remind us of is that we need to keep an eternal perspective.  God will bring justice to EVERY person on this earth, and the evil will be punished - but sometimes it won't be here on earth.  Sometimes it won't be until the person dies and receives eternal punishment.  And we need to always remember that with the evildoer, as with every one of us, the only way to avoid the just punishment of death and eternal punishment is through Jesus Christ, and his perfect sacrifice for us.

"[The evildoer's] ways prosper at all times; your judgments are on high, out of his sight; as for all his foes, he puffs at them. . . . The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might.   He says in his heart, "God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it. . . . But you do see, for you note mischief  and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless." (Psalms 10:5, 10-11, 14)

-David starts it all off with remembrance of God's work and gratitude for that work. Remembering God's continual provision and protection is what fuels our ability to have faith that He will continue to be the stronghold for the oppressed and fatherless for all generations.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." (Psalms 9:1-2)

Tough Questions in a Culture of Relativism - Volume 2: How Can We Love Our Enemies?

In Matthew 5:43-48, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says: "“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

I've been thinking about these verses a lot in the wake of the Osama bin Laden killing and as we approach the 10th anniversary of 9/11 - what is the proper response to the killing? Joy? Exuberation? Rejoicing? Sadness? Remorse? Mourning? All I know is that I had a sick feeling in my stomach when I watched the people celebrating at the White House and in Times Square like they do on New Year's Eve when the ball is dropping.  Jesus didn't say to love when our enemies are killed and pray for their demise.  He said to love them and pray for them when they persecute us.  I struggle to see how what we did to bin Laden was consistent with this command.  How many of you have ever prayed for bin Laden?

Well, it was justice for him, you might say (as many others have).  Really?  Is that what it was?  Did it really set the world right?  Did it really bring shalom to the world?  Did it bring us closer to "making all things new?"  Or, on a more base, national level, was it even consistent with how our US legal system defines justice?  What happened to innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, which is one of the non-negotiable tenets of our country?  Despite that tenet, Osama was given the death penalty before even stepping foot in a court of law. Sure, he admitted on TV and in other recordings that he was involved in many mass murders around the world.  Sure, he spewed evil for most of his life and likely was the mastermind behind more terrorism than any other human being in the world.  But did we ever prove it? Did our near certainty give us the right to hunt him, ambush him and kill him, when he wasn't armed?  Is that really justice? 

Don't hear what I'm not saying . . . I'm not second-guessing the military team that executed its orders perfectly. I'm not even doubting the orders from our US leadership to raid the compound. Our leadership was just acting in conformity with our country's ethic permitting the killing of certain people if they are determined by the powers that be to be "bad enough" or threats to our country.  What I'm questioning is something more foundational - our double (and sometimes more than double) standards when it comes to "justice" and who deserves to be "innocent until proven guilty."  Also, I'm questioning how we as a country react to the murder of some people as tragedy and others as a reason for celebration.  How we as a country rejoice in the death of a man. How we as Christians in that country celebrate hand-in-hand with our own countrymen. How does that fulfill the call to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you?" 

What are your thoughts on this very difficult issue? If you haven't done so already, think about it!  I'd love to hear your responses.