Tough Questions in a Culture of Relativism - Volume 3: What is Family?

What is family?

In the American "classic," The Spy Next Door, the Jackie Chan character said this about what defines family: "Family isn't whose blood you carry, it's who you love and who loves you."

Desmond Tutu, on the other hand, said this about family: "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."

The television show, Modern Family, provides a very interesting commentary on the evolving definition of "family" in our society.

And Merriam-Webster defines "family" seven different ways, including, "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head," "a group of persons of common ancestry," "a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation," "the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children," "any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family," and "a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area."

So which is it? Or is it a mix of these "definitions?" Or is it something altogether different? What makes a group of people a family?

In my research of orphan care over the past few years, I've seen "family model" orphanages all over the world that vary greatly in their definitions of "family." For example, some "families" have a hut with one woman from the community caring for 15 children; some "families" have a married couple living in an apartment attached to a living area where 8 same-gender children live together in one room; some "families" have American missionaries commit to care for 8-10 children in a home for an indefinite period of time; and some "families" have national married couples loving the children as their own from an early age through their educational lives. While these examples are not exhaustive, they give you an idea of how "family" is defined differently throughout the world of orphan care.

As we seek to create a best practice model framework for orphanages with family as a critical and essential component, we need to reconcile these differences in our definitions of "family." We need to make sure that we're on the same page with regard to a clear and comprehensive definition of what "family" actually is so that we can ensure that we're not talking past each other while collaborating to develop the best practice framework. That is why we're asking you to weigh in on this all-important question that lies at the heart of the family-based orphan care model.

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Conference on Honduras Recap

Last week, I attended and spoke at the Conference on Honduras in Copan, and it was a great experience. Douglas and Mizael joined me and we learned a lot about what different organizations, governmental and non-governmental, are doing throughout the country.  There were educational institutions, the UN Volunteers, the US Ambassador to Honduras (with a bunch of not-so Secret Service guys), orphan care providers, church planters, medical providers, missions directors, coffee businesses, musicians, leadership training organizations, entrepreneurs, media outlets, and several others.  Check out www.hondurasweekly.com for an article on the conference if you want more details.

It was extremely informative and encouraging to Douglas, Mizael, and me because it showed us that we are on the right track with the La Provdencia model, and a replicable best practice model framework is a huge need amongst the orphan care providers.  Not surprisingly, the vast majority of the orphanages are working on tight budgets and have very little research or other information to help them strive toward excellence at their orphanage.  They are simply getting by and doing the best with what they have.  As I discussed during my talk, I am excited that we at PWM are able to provide our children at La Providencia with excellence in every area, and simultaneously test our theories on best practices out at La Providencia.  And then, we are able to inform, educate, train, empower, and encourage others with what God teaches us in the process.  When we work with other organizations, we also (and this is just as important and valuable) are able to learn from what they have learned and we can all think bigger and get better together.  This promotes efficiency and stewardship of resources by allowing us to not have to re-invent the wheel every time we do something at the orphanage, and it also promotes a culture in which we constantly challenge each other to get better and not accept mediocrity.

One other thing that the conference did was reinforce the desperate need for us to define our terms in orphan care (and other areas) with specificity and care to ensure that we are all talking about the same things, rather than talking past each other and "disagreeing" when in fact we are talking about completely different things because we didn't define our terms.  The word "orphanage" is a perfect example, as it means very different things to different people.  Most people think of some variety of "Annie" or "Oliver Twist," which definitely exist in the world. But there are also some amazing orphanages, such as La Providencia, that are full of love, families, top-quality education, great medical care and nutrition, spiritual development, self-sustainability projects, and integration in the community.  The fact is that some orphanages are incredible places, and others are terrible places.  Don't lump them all into the same category and throw the baby out with the bathwater.  We can't be lazy in this conversation because too many lives are at stake, and orphanages are very necessary part of the orphan care equation - we need to fully understand that we can't address the current orphan crisis without orphanages.  And because of that fact, we need to demand nothing less than excellence and best practices from our orphanages at every turn.

Conference with Honduran NGOs

I am excited to attend and speak about the La Providencia best practice family model orphanage at the Conference on Honduras in Copan this week with Douglas and Mizael.  The conference includes people from non-governmental organizations working with children from all over Honduras.  We hope to start new and strengthen existing relationships during the conference that will further enable us to collaborate with other organizations throughout Honduras to continue raising the bar on the standard of care for orphans and at-risk children.  Stay tuned for updates from the conference . . .