Thoughts from Q: Part 2 - Preaching Contraception for Singles: Why do we insist on only dealing with symptoms?

It came to my attention at Q that a large and growing number of churches across America are preaching to their unmarried congregants about how to properly use contraceptives.  This surprised me.  Given the trajectory of the American church today, I don't know why it surprised me so much.  But it did.  And my surprise didn't stop there.  The conference staff conducted a very unscientific poll at the conference and over 2/3 of the people responding to the poll agreed with the recent trend of teaching about proper contraception use from the pulpit.  


The main rationale given (that I heard at the conference) for the trend is that everyone is having sex anyway, so we need to face reality and teach contraception use so that we can reduce the amount of unplanned pregnancies and abortions among our singles.  This rationale is a classic example of how we love to deal with symptoms rather than deal with the root, foundational causes of the symptoms.  Dealing with the symptoms is much easier because it is less confrontational and takes much less time.  It is much less messy and doesn't require a lot of investment on our part to get to the heart of the issue in the lives of our brothers and sisters.  However, in only dealing with the symptoms, it is like we are simply putting a band-aid on a deep, gaping head wound.  Sure, it may stop the bleeding in the short-term, but the wound will continue to fester underneath and cause bigger, more serious problems later because the band-aid does not address the real problem with the wound.  


In the same way, preaching about proper contraceptive use to singles does not address the real problem with the wounds in the single's hearts, minds, and souls.  It does not address the deep rooted issues in the lives of the singles that cause them to ignore the clear teachings in Scripture and engage in sex outside of marriage (which, on a side note, causes all kinds of social ills (e.g., marital issues) in addition to unplanned pregnancy and abortions).  It does not address the need for a clear, unabashed Gospel response to the tragic rise and acceptance of premarital sex in our culture.  A response that does not hold up the white flag and surrender to the downfall of our societal values and norms that somehow make it OK to defile the marital bed because "they're already doing it and are going to do it anyway."  We need a response that does not implicitly approve extramarital sex.  We need a response that holds firm to the clear edicts in the Bible and teaches our youth, young adults, adults, and elderly the truths about what the Bible really says about sex outside of marriage and WHY the Bible is so clear about not defiling the marriage bed. 


As I alluded to above, premarital sex causes a lot more issues in our society other than unplanned pregnancies and increase in abortions.  Among many other things that would take a series of blog entries to cover properly, it cheapens the amazing gift from God of the intimate bond of sex between a man and woman in marriage, it contributes to low self-respect, it causes marital issues when spouses "compare" their husband or wife to past partners, and the list goes on [feel free to add to the list through comments]. 


Unfortunately, the church's ever-increasing tendency to only deal with symptoms rather than foundational issues also shows up all throughout the world of orphan care.  One specific area where many in orphan care are "holding up the white flag" is the lack of "good men" to care for the children, which just happens to be directly linked to the rampant extramarital sex going on in the world.  In short (this issue will be covered in detail in a later post), throughout the orphan care community, many people are dealing with the lack of quality men by creating homes where the children are being raised only by one or two women.  In essence, they are dealing with the symptom of no quality men in society by creating "fatherless" homes, which themselves will have long-term negative consequences because the children will not have a daddy.  Scripture is very intentional about speaking of God's love for the "fatherless" because He knows how important a daddy is to the development of every child's life.  


Instead of simply accepting that there are no good men in society and moving on to encourage a "second-best" mentality, we need to address the root, foundational issue and start discipling men in our communities.  To be the husbands they need to be.  To be the daddies they need to be. To be the men they need to be.  To not just accept that they're bad and move on.  But to trust that God can redeem anyone and that He is using us to bring renewal to this world.  To trust that God loves the fatherless more than we ever will and His heart cries out to see each of them have a mommy AND a daddy to love them well.  The response that deals with the foundational issue meets the men where they are, builds deep and authentic relationships with them, and demands more out of them - it demands that they be gospel-driven leaders of  their families and communities.  This response takes a lot time, is messy, and often disappoints.  But it can also lead to incredibly rewarding results - and without it, we will never be able to make a dent in the ever-growing number of fatherless in our world.  

Thoughts from Q: Part 1 - Why do we talk "to" each other?

One of the highlights for me at Q this year was a talk entitled, "Alone Together," by Sherry Turkle, who wrote a book with the same title.  Though I won't be able to do the talk justice in this short blog, I'll do my best.  She shared about the rise of technology and opined that we aren't as strong as technology's pull (e.g., we are ruled by our iPhones, iPads, Blackberries, computers, email, texts, televisions, iPods, etc.).  She told us how "etiquette experts" have somehow determined that it is OK to ignore a cashier at the supermarket checkout counter if they engage you in a conversation while you're texting because "they are doing their job to check you out" - that is, you are not obliged to engage with him or her in conversation because they are simply the "help."  


Turkle went on to say that we are treading very dangerous water because we are allowing ourselves to get closer to machines while distancing ourselves from each other.  We are so jaded today that we seriously think that sending a tweet is just as valuable as engaging in a conversation with someone face-to-face.  Or that texting with someone is the same as an in-person interaction.  How have we forgotten that about 75% of our communication with someone is non-verbal?  How have we forgotten the difference between simple connection and actual conversation, which involves compassion, involvement, understanding, empathy, and challenge?


Fortunately, though, she didn't stop there.  She recognizes the absurdity of the trajectory of our world's technological revolution and is advocating for a world where we slow down our lives and return to the days when we actually sat down in-person and talked with each other.  This is especially important because the flight from interaction with other humans has also resulted in a flight from introspection, which is critical to development of our souls, character, and integrity, and relationship with our God.  If our youth lack this introspection, our world is in big trouble.


She then used the introspection discussion to launch into one of my favorite parts of her talk - the need for Solitude and for sacred places that we set apart solely for conversation.  Here are my notes from that portion of her talk - they are simple because the points are simple:

(i) "Solitude is a good thing. Make room for it." 

(ii) "Create safe spaces at home and reclaim them for conversation. Have sacred spaces that are technology free. We need to take the time to really listen to each other." 

Turkle finished her talk with a couple points that I'll let you ponder as I have been the past couple weeks.  What you do with them is up to you.  Here they are:

(i) "The problem isn't the technology. It is the way we use it." 

(ii) "We have a hunger for narrative and conversation."


So as I've been processing her talk, I've been thinking about something that I alluded to in the title to this blog.  When did we as a culture start saying that we want to "talk to" someone rather than "talk with" someone?  Think about this - what are we actually saying when we write an email and say, "Hey __________, I'd like to talk to you about [fill in the blank]."  


I don't know this, but I bet it started around the time that the answering machine entered our lives.  Remember what we had to do before answering machines?  We actually had to keep calling back until the person was home - then (you ready for this), we actually had to have a conversation with the person.  And for the receiving party, a similar "quandary" existed - there was no ability to screen the call, let the call go to voice mail, or text back a quick response to the person because you didn't want to talk.  You had to actually risk a conversation when you picked up the phone (insert sarcastic tone here).  


Then, with advent of the incredible technological advancement of the answering machine, we were able to limit our conversations dramatically, and the "talking to" generation began.  Fast forward a few decades and now we are in an age that you never actually have to look at or even speak anything to anyone that you are talking to if you don't want to.  You can simply use your fingers and connect with them.  Don't fool yourself, though . . . you're not conversing or talking with them - you're only talking to them.  And that simply doesn't fill our deep need for narrative and conversation. 


So how can we reverse the trend?


Create the sacred spaces in your homes and lives.  Make room for solitude and for conversation.  Talk with people.  Engage in your world.  Don't be afraid to take a risk and dig into conversations that include compassion, involvement, understanding, empathy, and challenge.  


It will take time.  It often will be uncomfortable.  But I am sure of at least one thing: You won't be disappointed.

The Study of Orphan Care Leads to Humility

(Republished from the La Providencia blog (5/4/11))

Plato once said, "The study of Astronomy leads to humility." That is definitely true - just one look at pictures from the Hubble telescope makes this point clear.

Similarly, as I have found in the last few years, the study of how to bring excellence to orphan care also leads to humility. It is easy to get lost in the numbers of the orphan crisis (e.g., over 167,000,000 orphans in the world) and give up. To say that we simply cannot do anything about it. That there is no way we can figure out how to address it as a comprehensive whole. That we simply cannot understand it. That we can't get families for all of these kids. That [fill in the blank with countless other reasons not to engage].

People have said similar things about the heavens over the centuries. That we cannot even begin to understand the universe surrounding us. But other people, like Galileo, Ptolemy, Copernicus, and the inventors of the Hubble telescope, to name a few, said that it is not OK to simply accept defeat in our understanding of the heavens. Even though they accepted the fact that the universe is HUGE and that they likely would never figure it out, they said, "We can work to understand it better." There are answers to our questions. While we personally might not be able to figure all of them out, we can start working to find answers, ask more questions, discover more answers, and so on. They said that they could take baby steps to figuring out the heavens and they saw any additional knowledge, no matter how small, as a victory, all the while knowing that it was extremely unlikely that the answers to all of their questions would be solved in their lifetime. (Part of this is that I believe there simply are certain things that we as humans are not supposed to understand.)

Because these guys that didn't listen to the naysayers, we have slowly progressed over the years as they built on each other's discoveries, and today we can see stars billions of light years away through the Hubble Telescope - we are closer to an understanding of what is going on out there. If people wouldn’t have said that we can begin to figure it out, then the Hubble never would’ve happened

We need to apply that same mindset and ingenuity to the improvement of orphan care! While on the one hand we need to recognize the magnitude of the problem and face the fact that we can't solve it on our own, we also need to work to understand it better and seek God's wisdom and discernment on how to develop solutions.  We need to work together, collaborating together to understand the vastness of the crisis and the best way to develop the kids' lives to give them an opportunity to be leaders in their communities. We need to continue asking hard questions and analyzing best practices with the same commitment as we would if our own children were in an orphanage. We need to think bigger and with more excellence (e.g., family-based orphanages, top-quality schools, great medical care and nutrition, and participation in their local community), which will enable us to begin shifting the paradigm surrounding orphans from one where they are seen as a waste of resources to one where they are treated as investments. Only then will we really be making in-roads to making orphanages and orphan care better.

Or, in the alternative, we can keep wading in the current problematic paradigm seeing the orphans as second-rate humans, as a drain on society, as trash, as a waste of resources, AND we thus will keep viewing the orphan crisis as a universe that is way too big to understand, address, and work within.

So, yes, the study of orphan care leads to humility. But, fortunately for the millions of orphans around the world, it doesn't lead to futility.

Another Great Year at Q

I just returned from the Q Conference in Washington, D.C., where I had the pleasure of engaging with leaders from all over the world on issues spanning all areas of culture.  I look forward to this conference every year because of the personal development and relationships that have occurred every year since I first attended Q three years ago.  And this year was no exception.  As you'll see in some upcoming blogs that dive deeper into some of the topics we explored at the conference, I was challenged once again to think about issues that I haven't explored and to consider how I can worship God in new and exciting ways.  I also was able to have conversations with several leaders about how we can collaborate to love orphans around the world with excellence.  I can't wait to see how those conversations bear themselves out in the future.

A couple (of many) examples of topics covered at the conference that you'll hear more about in future blogs are how technology has caused our relationships to suffer, how we need to slow down and actually cut down the amount of media and technology we use, how churches today are actually teaching on the use of contraceptives to address sex outside of marriage, and Os Guinness on the Future of Freedom.

So stay tuned for some interesting conversations in the next couple weeks.  Also, for those of you in the West, next year's Q is in Los Angeles - if you can make it, I am certain that you won't be disappointed by your experience.

Remember What (and Who) It's About!

In the wake of the launch of the KONY 2012 campaign and the subsequent issues with one of Invisible Children's founders, a very important issue has been brought to the forefront of our minds once again: What and who are ministries, churches, and non-profit organizations about?

If they are Christian, they are (or should be) first and foremost about God and furthering His Kingdom through discipleship, service, mercy, and other acts.  And regardless of whether they are Christian, they are about fulfilling the organization's mission, period.  In any credible organization, one thing they aren't about is the people who run or work in the organizations - with few exceptions, if they become about the people within the organization, their mission is necessarily compromised and damaged in major ways.  If people see the leader or others in the organization as the organization or if the organization will fail if the something happens to the leader, that organization has some serious problems.  And this is a great thing because everyone who has ever led an organization and everyone who will ever lead an organization suffers from the same fatal flaw: he or she is human, and therefore is depraved and severely limited and flawed.

Unfortunately, our society often forgets this fact and places too much faith and importance in organizational leaders and/or spokesmen.  In the case of Invisible Children, I really hope that this doesn't happen.  Though Jason Russell's actions have definitely had a negative impact on the KONY 2012 campaign, I really hope and pray that people can look past his one-time behavior (which has proven to be caused by a condition that caused him to act way out of his character) and focus on the work that IC is doing in Africa to bring justice and shalom in an area that needs it in so many ways.  I pray that people can make their decisions on the work that is being done on the ground by IC, not on the flawed human beings that run the organization.  If we base our decisions on the day-to-day activities of the organizational leaders, we will constantly be disappointed and let down by them, and we will not get behind a lot of great things that God wants us to be involved in.  Trust me on this one - I'm one of those organizational leaders that will disappoint if faith is placed in me rather than in the only One who faith should be placed in.

Now I'm not saying that we can't look to the leaders as a marker of the organization's integrity and credibility.  What I'm saying is that a healthy organization is about much more than its leader, and we should not discredit an organization's impact and mission because of a human being's poor decisions or actions taken in isolation.  After all, we are all merely one bad decision away from being a negative headline - one bad decision that we are all capable of making (despite what we really want to believe about ourselves).

At Providence, we know this first-hand - we exist to inspire and equip others to love orphans, widows, and at-risk communities as God loves them.  Fortunately, God has placed amazing people in our organization that are working to fulfill this mission in many ways.  We are creating families for orphans, educating many children with excellence, providing medical care to all of Honduras, developing community leaders, and loving well in many other areas.  But we are also flawed human beings who make mistakes (some bigger than others), hurt each other, do stupid things, and . . . the list goes on and on.  If you don't believe me, just ask my wife, kids, and staff, and they'll give you a long list of ways I'm not perfect.  I'm just fortunate that my life is not under a microscope and most of my thoughts and actions are not on the 10:00 News.

Again, I'm not condoning Mr. Russell's behavior or saying that a leader's character should not be considered when evaluating an organization.  What I am saying, though, is make sure to look at the big picture, in context.  Make sure that you recognize that every organization has to be run by a flawed human being and that the organization, if it is worthwhile, is about a whole lot more than that person.  Also, and just as important, recognize that the person is about a whole lot more than one publicized act or statement taken in isolation.

Looking for Something to Read?

Some people have recently asked me for book recommendations, and I made this list in response.  In the spirit of sharing, I thought I'd post this list of some great books that I've read recently (a few of them I haven't read but have come highly recommended by people I trust (and are high on my list to read)).  If I'm missing any from your must-read lists, please add them to the list through a comment.  In the meantime, grab a cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate and open up one or more of these gems:


Leadership
Spiritual Leadership (Oswald Sanders)
Leadership Jazz (Max De Pree)
Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Success (John Wooden and Jay Carty)

Lincoln on Leadership (Donald Phillips)

Servant Leadership (Robert Greenleaf)

Quiet Strength (Tony Dungy)

Axiom (Bill Hybels)

Leading the Revolution (Gary Hamel)

Good to Great and the Social Sectors (Jim Collins)

Visioneering (Andy Stanley)

Leading with a Limp (Dan Allender)

Leadership and Self-Deception (The Arbinger Institute)

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John Maxwell)

Humility (Andrew Murray)

Amazing Faith: The Authorized Biography of Bill Bright (Richardson)

Better (Atul Gawande)


Communication

Made to Stick (Chip and Dan Heath)

The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell)

Orphan Care
Home Away from Home: The Forgotten History of Orphanages (Richard MacKenzie)
Toddler Adoption (Hopkins-Best)
The Lost Daughters of China (Karin Evans)

Orphanology (Merida and Morton)

The Connected Child (Karyn Purvis)

Fields of the Fatherless (Tom Davis)

Fatherless Generation (John Sowers)

Red Letters (Tom Davis)

Father Fiction (Donald Miller)

Missions and Ministry
When Helping Hurts (Fikkert and Corbett)
Toxic Charity (Robert D. Lupton)

White Man's Burden (William Easterly)

The Next Christendom (Philip Jenkins)

Good News About Injustice (Gary Haugen)

Terrify No More (Gary Haugen)

Just Courage (Gary Haugen)

Not for Sale (David Batstone)
Generous Justice (Tim Keller)

Crazy Love (Francis Chan)

Defending Your Faith (R.C. Sproul)

Renovation of the Church (Kent Carlson and Mike Lueken)

Pedagogy of the Oppressed (Paulo Freire)

Family and Marriage
How We Love (Yerkovich)
The Mystery of Marriage (Mike Mason)
What a Difference a Daddy Makes (Kevin Leman)
Sheet Music (Kevin Leman)
When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage (Dave Harvey)
The Silence of Adam (Larry Crabb)
Tender Warrior (Stu Weber)

Literature
Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett) 
False Witness (Randy Singer) (mystery fiction)

The Brothers Karamozov (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
The Invention of Hugo Cabret (Brian Selznick)

Any of the Great Books of the Western World

Gospel-Driven Christian Life
Desiring God (John Piper)
Don't Waste Your Life (John Piper)
The Prodigal God (Tim Keller)
The Reason for God (Tim Keller)
The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind (Mark Noll)
Christless Christianity (Michael Horton)
Bonhoeffer (Eric Metaxas)
The Gospel-Driven Life (Michael Horton)
Fasting (Scot McKnight)

Sabbath (Dan Allender)

The Valley of Vision (Arthur Bennett)

Windows to the Soul (Ken Gire)

Jesus Among Other Gods (Ravi Zacharias)

Unveiled Hope (Scotty Smith)

The Day Metallica Came to Church (John van Sloten)
Book of Common Prayer (Shane Claiborne)

Anything by C.S. Lewis

Soccer
How Soccer Explains the World (Franklin Foer)
Fever Pitch (Nick Hornby)
Bloody Confused! (Chuck Culpepper)
Soccer Against the Enemy (Simon Kuper)
The Beckham Experiment (Grant Wahl)

Education
The Thomas Jefferson Education (Oliver DeMille)
Your Child's Strengths (Jennifer Fox)

Miscellaneous
Freakonomics
Super Freakonomics
Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell)

To be continued . . . (since I know that you have some great books, that I'm forgetting some and that there are many more to come in the future)

La Providencia Summit - Day 3

Today we were able to visit a farm in the local community that La Providencia is looking to partner with to bring the community closer to economic self-sufficiency.  This approximately 80 acre farm is incredible - it has coffee, flowers, vegetables, herbs, and its own gravity-driven water supply, which itself saves 20% on electricity since the farm doesn't need a pump to transport the water.  Another thing that sets this farm apart is that the man who started it was in deep economic poverty when he planted the first seeds in the '90s. Instead of thinking business success was impossible because he didn't have money (as many unfortunately think), he sought out some seed capital (pun intended) and got started on what now is not only producing a lot of revenue, but is also generated hundreds of jobs every year for local community members.

After visiting the farm and eating some great ice cream and "Chinese" food, the US team leaders and Douglas (from LP) met together to de-brief and work out some next steps towards making this summer one where short-term teams work together to bring La Providencia closer to self-sufficiency.  Despite the fact that we were all exhausted mentally and physically, the conversation was very rich.  We talked about how the teams could avoid being destructive at La Providencia and exacerbating our respective poverties of being (read "When Helping Hurts" to gain a deeper understanding of this concept).  A few of the highlights coming out of the meeting were the brainstorming sessions about how the teams can practically work together, the specific action plans we worked out to take La Providencia Academy to the next level, and the team's commitment to work hard to focus on things that the local community cannot do itself.  In practice, we ultimately confirmed that the relationship-building is the key to all of this because everyone needs relationships, and all of us can know how we can help each other grow if we really get to know each other.  We also came to the important conclusion that one of the critical aspects of teams is to see the Providence model in person, get to know its details intimately, and share the model with others around the world after their time at La Providencia.

Be praying that we all can continue our conversations over the next few months and that the conversations result in a bunch of summer teams that incorporate the things that we have discussed and discovered during our time together.  Also be praying for our staff at La Providencia and the local community members - that they understand their great skills, talents, and passions, innovate well, and work together to bring LP to economic self-sufficiency.